


Just Talk to Me Next Time, Okay?

by xLoLix



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, POV Lance (Voltron), Season 3, i wrote this way back in august of last year, the characterization we deserve but did not get
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 13:24:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoLix/pseuds/xLoLix
Summary: Lance has been very protective of Keith lately. Sometimes it doesn't come off in the best way.Or; I am once again frustrated with canon.Takes place during season 3.





	Just Talk to Me Next Time, Okay?

**Author's Note:**

> So I’ve projected my frustrations with the writing in the show on Lance, and my perceived notion that the writers @dreamworks don’t understand how humans work on Allura. So at various points, this fic is gonna sound like Lance hates Allura because she's terrible at understanding humans. That’s just me hating how canon went. There are scenes in the show that are just straight up rewritten. That's just how it is.

'Hold on,' Lance objects loudly. 'I am not okay with letting Keith lead Voltron.'

 

This conversation was going to happen sooner or later. Since its happening sooner - far sooner than Lance had anticipated, far sooner than he had ever really considered - his answer was a solid 'no'.

 

'I'm not either, okay?' Keith snaps. 'I don’t want to lead Voltron. Shiro did. He should be here. He-'

 

That statement had put a hard stop to the argument as everyone processed what was said. Even Keith seemed surprised. Whatever argument he had stalled as he watched everyone stare with wide eyes at the revelation.

 

Of course Shiro did that. How obvious, how natural it would be for him to assign Keith as second in command. It’s not at all that surprising to Lance. The detail he's latched onto here is the fact that Shiro had discussed it in private with Keith and, judging by the princess' reaction, only Keith.

 

Under more ideal circumstances, as in; If Shiro had been present; If this proposal was put forward to the whole team; If preparations and contingencies were to be discussed; If emotions weren't running so high; If situations weren’t so desperate, and had the princess' diplomatic strategy not painted them into a corner (another issue for another time).

 

If all those things were true, then Lance would be all for Keith leading Voltron. As it is, however, 'I am not following that hotheaded sword idiot into battle.'

 

Lance earned himself a side-eyed glare from Hunk. So maybe that wasn’t the right thing to say. The sentiment still holds. Lance crosses his arms and huffs.

 

'Keith,' the princess puts on her diplomatic voice, ignoring Lance's objections entirely. 'We need Voltron. This is bigger than any one of us. You need to set this aside and take some responsibility as Voltron's leader.'

 

Damnit. There it is. There’s the problem.

 

Lance huffs again but otherwise makes no more objections. He catches Pidge's eye and she raises an eyebrow at him. He must be displaying his distaste with the situation clearly on his face because Pidge’s expression then settles into an understanding frown. So she doesn’t like this either, huh?

 

The princess steamrolls ahead into a speech about the importance of their mission.

 

Lance is tired.

 

Everyone is tired.

 

The princess has the last say.

 

They are dismissed.

 

\--

 

'So what do you think?' Pidge asks out of nowhere.

 

'About what?' Lance asks. He doesn’t move from his spot.

 

The two paladins are lounging side by side on the couch, controllers in hand. Some simple fighting game is displayed on the screen. Neither of them put any true effort or gumption in their playtime. Lately, respecting each other's need to conserve energy and enjoying companionable silence had won out over any enthusiasm for foreign space games.

 

'What do you think about making Keith team leader?' Pidge clarifies.

 

'I never took you for someone who likes to gossip,' Lance says.

 

Lance sees Pidge scrunch up her nose out of the corner of his eye. 'I don't. This isn’t gossip. I just want to talk about stuff with you.'

 

_You want to talk about teammates behind their back is what you want to do. Which, by the way, is gossiping._  Lance doesn’t feel compelled to clarify this out loud to Pidge.

 

'So?' Pidge prompts.

 

Lance doesn’t answer right away. The space is filled with sound effects from their game.

 

'Load of shit if you ask me,' Lance says. His tone is not quite casual. There’s a hint of an edge to it.

 

'I certainly am asking you,' pidge says. 'I think so too. To be perfectly honest.'

 

Another pause.

 

'He's not ready,' Lance is quieter when he says it.

 

'I know,' Pidge chews on her lip a moment and then says, 'Allura is right though, the universe needs Voltron.'

 

'She can shove the entire universe up her ass,' Lance says without missing a beat. 'Keith is grieving. He’s in no shape to lead. Hell, he’s in no shape the fight. He’s gonna get us killed and Allura is enabling him.'

 

Pidge manages to beat Lance in their fighting game without really trying. Lance knows what he should have done to counter Pidge but hasn’t been putting much effort forward. The end screen comes and goes and their hands automatically pick the options to start another round without any real input from the paladins.

 

'I’m getting the impression,' Pidge says, 'that this is something you should address with Allura, since you feel so strongly about it.'

 

'And challenge the princess' authority?' Lance snorts. 'How about _hell_  the fuck no.'

 

'I don’t know how good you are at letting things go, Lance.' There's a weight to her words that stop Lance from protesting immediately. 'So I want to warn you before you let thinking like that get the better of you. Before you do something stupid and break the team by opposing Allura's decision to make Keith team leader.' She turns to glance in his direction, game be damned. She wants Lance to take this lesson to heart.

 

She speaks from a place of experience.

 

T _eam's already broken anyways_ , Lance thinks bitterly.

 

'Are you seriously giving me a lecture on insubordination right now?' Lance tries for a joke, but his anger bleeds through and makes it sound mocking.

 

'Lance,' is all she says.

 

She doesn’t have to say anything else. She does that thing that reminds Lance of the way his mom would say his name sometimes. The way she has this ability of conveying whole messages just through just her tone.

 

Pidge's tone is serious, and stern. It’s also pleading and sympathetic. It’s hurt.

 

Lance reads the message loud and clear. After a beat, he lets out a resigned sigh.

 

'Okay.'

 

\--

 

'Lance,' the princess greets. She takes her attention off the star map and turns to Lance fully. She’s wearing her signature smile. Her hair is down.

 

'I need to talk to you about Keith.'

 

Allura's smile sours into something less pleasant but she isn't surprised. Ah, she must have seen this coming. The mice tipped her off. She brings herself up to full height. It's the stance she uses to deal with more difficult politicians. She's sizing him up.

 

_She doesn’t want me here._ Lance has to consciously make an effort not to flinch and shrink away. What he has to say is important.

 

'If this is about having him lead Voltron you can save your breath,' Allura says. 'The decision is mine to make, and I won’t tolerate your bad attitude about this much longer.'

 

'Princess,' Lance says. 'He's not ready. He can’t lead if he’s still caught up in Shiro. He needs time to grieve.'

 

The princess sighs and places a hand on her temple. 'I don’t need this.' She looks back up at Lance. 'The universe can’t just wait for us to be ready.'

 

'The universe has already waited ten thousand years, Allura. We need to be smart about this-'

 

'Which is why we need to take action now! Every moment we waste-'

 

'A couple days to regroup and sort out our team is all I'm asking-'

 

'We can’t afford to leave our allies waiting-'

 

'He's a liability!' Lance yells. His chest is heaving. Anger rolling off him in waves. When did that happen? No matter. It shut Allura up.

 

The princess has her mouth open and her eyes wide.

 

'Lance, how could you say that?' The princess has the audacity to sound hurt.

 

'I don't think I'm wrong, princess.' Lance says, his tone dangerously even. 'I understand the situation is getting more and more urgent.' Whose fault is that? 'But I will not condone strategies that put this team at unnecessary risk.' Allura is about to speak but Lance doesn't let her. 'That includes putting paladins in positions they're not prepared for.'

 

Allura turns away slowly. She leans her hands heavily on the console, her back to Lance. 'What do you suggest? Someone other than Keith lead the team?'

 

'Keith can lead,' Lance says. 'He just needs time to accept that Shiro won't come back this time. Once he does, he can lead.'

 

'And what do we do in the mean time?'

 

This is where Lance holds his tongue. If he pushes it, the argument will spiral back into that same pattern that’s been going on for the past couple days.

 

'Alright,' Allura says. 'I'll take it under advisement.'

 

'Thank you,' Lance knows a dismissal when he hears one. He turns to leave.

 

Before he even makes it to the door, the ship's comm comes to life.

 

'Paladins,' it's the princess. 'Make your way to the black lion's hangar. There has been a change of plans.'

 

Lance whips his head around to stare at the princess.

 

'We are going to let the black lion choose its paladin today.' The princess says into the comm with an air of finality and shuts it off.

 

'I think Keith should lead Voltron, you think we should wait,' the princess says to Lance. 'Let’s settle this once and for all. The right way.'

 

The princess almost sounds smug in her authority. Lance doesn’t know what game she’s playing at. Does she already know the black lion's answer? Impossible. Allura had said she herself would also step up to try for the position of the black paladin.

 

Lance leaves without saying anything. No point now. All he’s got left now is to simmer in his own anger, not even bothering to pray for things to turn out alright.

 

\--

 

Lance lets himself into the training room. He doesn’t bother to ask to join or even call attention to himself to let Keith know he’s there. It doesn’t matter that Keith is entirely focused on cutting up training bots, Lance is confident that Keith's situational awareness will alert him to his presence. Sure enough, a small break in the session has Keith glancing his way before getting right back at it.

 

 

 

Keith's losing. His teeth are gritted. His movements are stiff and harsh. He must have set the difficulty higher than his usual. That, or he’s off balance and his usual settings are getting the better of him. Lance watches the next round.

 

The bot closes the distance. Keith makes a swipe at an opening in the bot's guard, right for the upper torso. The bot twists and ducks under his reach and dives into Keith's space, on the outside of Keith’s sword arm. Keith responds by swinging his sword out toward the bot. It’s an odd angle. The motion puts Keith centre of gravity way out. The bot makes an easy block. Keith is twisted around and the momentum causes him to stumble. The bot capitalizes on this and throws Keith to the ground. The victor is clear. The bot releases Keith, waiting for orders to continue or cease the training. Keith opts to continue another round.

 

Ah. The bot is smaller than Keith. Its focus is speed and CQC. Keith has deliberately picked a training sequence that would pit him against his own fighting style. He doesn’t know how to counter it. Lance watches as he’s beaten a second and third round.

 

'End training sequence,' Keith orders.

 

Lance still doesn’t say anything when he holds out a juice pouch for Keith. Keith thanks him, cracks the top open, and downs the contents of the pouch in one swig. Lance takes the empty pouch from Keith and hands him a second one. Keith cracks that one open too.

 

'I don't want to talk if that’s what you came here for,' Keith says between sips.

 

'Okay.'

 

Half a beat goes by.

 

'It’s just,' Keith starts. 'I don’t get why everyone keeps expecting me to lead Voltron. Shiro wants me to, Allura, and now the black lion. I don’t want to. It’s so obvious I’m not fit for it. It’s too much pressure and responsibility! I can't stand it!' Keith runs an anxious hand through his hair. 'What the fuck am I supposed to even do? It shouldn’t be this way. It should be Shiro.' He trails off. He’s staring at the floor. 'It’s not fair.'

 

_And yet here we are._

 

Keith finally looks up at Lance. 'I just want him back.'

 

'I know you do,' Lance says. 'You shouldn’t have to go through this.'

 

'But I have to anyways, huh?' Keith says with a hint of bitterness. 'For the sake of the universe.'

 

Lance sighs and places his hands in his pockets, shoulders sagging slightly. 'According to boss lady, yeah.'

 

'Are you here to tell me off,' the even inflection on Keith’s tone is accusatory.

 

Lance thought his intentions for coming here were pretty clear. 'No?' He says. _Have some faith, man._

 

Keith's eyebrows go up. Was that not an answer he was expecting? Keith studies Lance for a moment. Whatever he's thinking about, he decides not to share it with Lance.

 

'I know you wanted to pilot the black lion pretty badly,' Keith says instead.

 

'It’s whatever,' Lance shrugs. 'I had a feeling it wouldn’t pick me anyways.'

 

'You’re not... mad?' Keith probes.

 

'Things are not going great,' Lance says simply.

 

That seems to make Keith crumble a little. 'No kidding.'

 

'That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop, or give up, or whatever. I still need to be part of this team,' Lance says. 'Even if I disagree.'

 

That catches Keith's attention.

 

'I got your back, okay?' Lance says. 'Don’t you forget it. Especially when shit hits the fan. Again.'

 

Keith snorts at that. 'Thanks. For the juice.'

 

'Yeah, uh,' Lance takes a step back toward the door. 'You're welcome.' The ensuing awkward silence is pretty indicative of the end of the conversation, so Lance finger guns Keith and makes his escape.

 

Keith gives him a courtesy wave goodbye.

 

\--

 

'Come on,' Lance breaths. 'Let me in.' He leans heavily on the particle barrier, the front of his helmet creating ripples where it’s made contact. 'Come on, please?'

 

Lance really doesn't need to talk out loud. He’s sure his thoughts are ringing clear to Blue. She's doing a perfectly good job of ignoring him. Well. She acknowledged his presence but didn’t do much beyond that. It’s like, she’s not even looking at him and he doesn’t understand. Her thoughts seem to 'point' in a direction, from what he could make out. He doesn't understand.

 

He glances behind him, toward the hangar doors. _Go away._

 

'Please,' Lance pleads. 'I should be out there helping them. I need to help.'

 

Blue gives no indication that she heard him. She doesn’t waver.

 

'What did I do wrong?' Lance's voice is barely above a whisper.

 

Still nothing.

 

The implication is a blow to Lance’s pride and ego, but mostly it’s a hammer on the nail of his most hated intrusive thought, and an affirmation of a deep seeded fear. He'd already been ignoring the more recent pains on his spirit. Only to be rejected? Now of all times?

 

There’s a sting of tears in his eyes. 'Am I not-' Lance doesn’t dare finish the thought. Not out loud.

 

'Lance!'

 

The comm comes to life in his helmet.

 

'Where are you?'

 

'Blue's hangar,' Lance answers. Stiff, business-like, professional. 'She's locked me out. Particle barrier's up. The whole works.'

 

'What?'

 

'Gah!'

 

'Lance, we need you!'

 

_You sure?_

 

'Lance?'

 

Lance straightens up and turns around. 'Princess,' he acknowledges.

 

She is in her paladin armour. It’s pink. Lance is sure he will never get over that fact.

 

'What are you doing?' She's got that disapproving wrinkle between her eyebrows.

 

_It’s fine. It’s fine. Everything's fine._

 

'I’m locked out,' Lance says. He knocks on the particle barrier for emphasis. The energy ripples under his touch. He steps back to look up at the blue lion.

 

'Why? I don’t understand,' the princess shakes her head and approaches the barrier. 'You’re supposed to be the blue paladin.'

 

'You’ve made it pretty clear that we don’t get to decide that,' Lance says, venom in his voice. 'I know a flat out rejection when I see one.'

 

'But why?' The princess ignores Lance and keeps her eyes locked with the blue lion.

 

Lance knows why but he doesn’t say so.

 

The princess reaches out. The particle barrier ripples and vanishes at her touch. The blue lion roars and dips its head down to invite the princess into the cockpit.

 

That’s a lot of fanfare.

 

'I guess you’re the paladin of the blue lion now,' Lance smiles. He’s tired.

 

The princess watches Lance with a careful eye.

 

'Congrats on the promotion and all that,' Lance laughs. It’s obvious he doesn’t have the princess convinced. That doesn’t matter. 'Here,' Lance unclips his bayard and holds it out to her. 'You’re, uh... you’re gonna need this too.'

 

_How good are you at letting things go?_

 

The princess glances behind her at the lion, then she reaches out to accept the bayard.

 

So that’s how it is. Lance can hear the blue lion, only she’s speaking to the princess. It’s like hearing a passing conversation in a public space. You can hear voices without really making out the words. It used to be like that for Lance and the other lions when they weren't in Voltron form. He supposes he should get used to hearing the all lions like that all the time now.

 

Lance hates this. There’s a part of him that wants to fight this. There’s a part of him that wants to kick and scream and cry about how this isn’t right and how _he_ should be out there already, fighting the good fight. Who’s he kidding? Lance wanted this, in a weird way. A better paladin would make for a better team.

 

Lance makes the mistake of looking the princess in the face. She looks worried. Sympathetic. Pity is the word that comes to mind and Lance strikes that train of thought down before it poisons him further.

 

'Lance-'

 

'You need to go,' Lance says hastily. 'There are three lions out there. Better make it four.'

 

The princess doesn’t look happy about it but she’s not going to waste more time.

 

Moments after the lion leaves with her new pilot in tow, the comm crackles to life in his helmet.

 

'Finally!'

 

'What happened back there buddy?'

 

'No time. Lance, Pidge could use some support. Ten o'clock and thirty-five degrees.'

 

'I’m piloting the blue lion,' the princess declares.

 

'What? Why?'

 

'Guys, just go with it,' Lance says.

 

'This doesn't stop the fact that I still need help!'

 

'Right! On my way.'

 

More comm chatter comes through his helmet. Lance shuts it down and takes it off. If they really needed him, they can still contact him.

 

Lance is exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, and, somehow, physically. He needs to get out of this space. He doesn't feel welcome in the blue lion hangar. He walks like he has a purpose, and without real direction.

 

 

 

The red lion's hangar has an entirely different atmosphere. The princess had described the red lion as 'temperamental'. Lance would have gone for 'bratty'. He once let this stray thought escape him and the red lion had unexpectedly taken the comment with good humour, as if to say, 'yes, I am absolutely a brat, thank you for noticing. I demand that everyone treats me like royalty'. That's when he decided he liked the red lion. It's the kind of solidarity that Lance had hoped he could forge between himself and Keith. Lance would like to think they've made progress.

 

'Hey buddy,' Lance greets. He puts no effort into putting a front when it comes to the lions. They already know. 'I take it being left out of the fight has left you pretty miffed, huh?'

 

Red turns her head to Lance. It's a deliberate gesture, the lions moving on their own is generally a Big Deal.

 

'You don't say,' Lance is admittedly surprised.

 

He likes red, but he's always used to talking casually with the blue lion. Red is being very receptive to Lance right now. Does it have anything to do with the fact that Keith isn't here?

 

The lion gets out an aggressive growl, echoing Lance's frustration.

 

'Yeah, I know,' Lance says. He crosses his arms. 'Except clearly I'm not needed here so I'm just accepting it and sitting this one out. Not much I can do if Blue decides she'd rather have the princess pilot her.' Lance sits down heavily onto the floor. 'Let the people who can actually do something do, y'know, something.'

 

Lance is sitting against the far wall from Red, back close to the bulkhead next to the door. He sighs and leans back. Red stares at him from across the room.

 

'I'm worried about Keith,' Lance admits. He draws his legs up towards himself. ‘I want to do something too.’

 

Red draws herself up, and moves towards Lance. It only takes a single step. Lance will never get over the deep, reverberating rumble caused by the sheer mass of a single lion moving on the ground, even if Red is one of the smaller ones. Lance looks up as Red bows her head toward lance, inviting him into the cockpit.

 

'You're not serious,' Lance breaths.

 

That's when Red sasses him. She picks her head back up and turns her head away. Lance has to stifle a giggle, because it reminds him so much of the way a cat would pretend to ignore people as a way of asking for attention.

 

'Okay, okay. I get it,' Lance hauls himself up to his feet. 'Get back down here you drama queen. Let's go be big damn heroes.'

 

\--

 

'Hey Lance? Could you come here a second?' Hunk has poked his head into Lance's room.

 

The look on his friend's face was strangely neutral. Hunk is generally very animated. That could only mean terrible things.

 

'Er, yeah. Sure,' Lance stands up from his place on the bed. He sets his pad down and follows Hunk out of his room. 'What's wrong buddy?'

 

'Just follow me,' is all Hunk gives him.

 

Lance prays that whatever trouble is happening is entirely innocent. 'Ooookay.'

 

Hunk leads him into one of the common rooms. Keith is sitting on one end of the couch. In fact he's practically squished himself unnecessarily into the corner. His arms are crossed and his leg is bouncing up and down like it's possessed. He doesn't look up when Lance and Hunk enter the room.

 

Oh, boy.

 

Lance's stomach knots itself into like, fifty knots. He doesn't like the vibe here at all. 'What's going on?' Lance hesitates.

 

'Keith wants to talk to you,' Hunk answers. He also doesn't make a move to leave. He even sits down on the couch, and gestures for Lance to sit on the side opposite to Keith.

 

'And, uh,' Lance starts but doesn't really finish. He's sure he's communicating his question to Hunk and he delivers.

 

'I'm here because my friendship senses were tingling so I've decided to sit in on this one in case it gets violent,' Hunk says smoothly.

 

That's that, Lance supposes. 'Keith?'

 

Keith doesn't move. As in, his leg stops bouncing and his body tenses up. He says something that Lance doesn't quite hear.

 

Lance is in panic mode. He glances at Hunk.

 

'Keith,' Hunk says. 'You're going to have to try that again.'

 

'I don't understand you!' Keith yells this time, loud enough for it to echo off the high ceiling. Keith's shoulders jump up to his ears and his face turns crimson. The air turns tense. He keeps going anyways. 'I can't tell if you hate me or like me or what. Now I'm convinced you hate me but even now I can't tell if I'm wrong.'

 

'I don't hate you,' Lance says automatically. It feels stilted. It's obvious that whatever this is has impacted Keith too much for that to be anywhere close to enough.

 

'That's what I don't get,' Keith says again.

 

There's a very pregnant pause between them. Hunk doesn't say or do anything but he's paying close attention to both of them.

 

'Did...' Lance wasn't sure what to ask. 'Did something happen?'

 

_What did I do wrong this time?_

 

Keith's gotten quiet again. When Hunk prompts him, Keith just shakes his head.

 

'Keith says Allura told him what you said about him,' Hunk says.

 

'She said what,' Lance's tone is cold. Honestly the princess is a bit of a sore subject to Lance and it's only taken him like, yesterday to realize this so he's not really over that.

 

'Keith?' Hunk tries prompting him again.

 

Keith, somehow sinks further into himself.

 

'She told me...' Keith wavers. 'She told me you thought I was a liability and shouldn't lead Voltron.'

 

Oh. _Oh._

 

'I know you wanted to pilot the black lion,' Keith says. 'I don’t- would you -- really go that far?' His voice cracks and it damn near breaks Lance's heart.

 

It does break his heart.

 

Lance has his elbows on his knees and sinks his head down into his hand, leaning heavily. This is too much. Lance isn't going to lie to himself, he's still a little bit of a mess and completely exhausted. Things are happening too rapidly. He doesn't want to deal with this. His spirit can't take much more. He's tired.

 

'Lance,' Hunk says evenly.

 

Lance is pretty sure he knows what's going through Hunk's head. Neither Keith nor the princess are the kind of people to say things lightly, or to lie at all. (Lance will keep his reservations about the princess' dealings with human affairs to himself, thank you very much.) Neither of them would especially be inclined to say anything to slander Lance's reputation either. (Regardless of his personal feelings about whether he deserves it.) So the ultimate conclusion for Hunk to draw here is to believe what Keith is saying is true. Hunk, ever bless his soul, is going to reserve judgement until he hears what Lance has to say.

 

'Yeah. I said that,' Lance admits to the floor.

 

Lance hears someone shift in their seat. He doesn't want to look at either of them right now. He's not sure he could take it.

 

No one says anything so Lance continues, 'I said to Allura that she was rushing things by assigning you as leader of team Voltron. I said you were -- a liability, because you were still grieving over losing Shiro again. I asked her to wait. Just a few days. Until you were ready to move on. Because I didn't think that was fair to you.' The words were coming so easy. Maybe because he was confessing them to the ground. 'It occurs to me that talking to her without talking to you first is, also, unfair. To you.

 

'She, uh, called that black lion paladin test immediately after that conversation. I'm not gonna lie, I still feel like she did that to spite me.' Lance sits back up to flop backwards onto the couch, now confessing to the ceiling.

 

'Is that true?' Hunk asks. Ever patient.

 

'Yeah,' Lance admits. 'I yelled at her too.'

 

'You still should have talked to me,' Keith spits.

 

'I know that now,' Lance says. 'I had been arguing with her for _days_.'

 

'Or even me,' Hunk throws in indignantly. 'I had no idea you were doing that.'

 

'I got caught up in my own anger,' Lance says, closing his eyes. He fucked up. 'I know I fucked up.'

 

It's quiet in the room again. It doesn't feel as tense.

 

'So you were angry,' Keith says more calmly, 'at Allura. On... my behalf?'

 

'Um,' it’s a yes or no question so Lance says, 'Yeah?'

 

'You uh, you get along with Red?' Keith asks almost timidly.

 

It's a weird tangent that causes Lance to pick up his head and look at Keith. He doesn't look like he's about to cry anymore. That's a relief. 'I, uh, yeah.'

 

Keith stares at Lance just a little longer. Eventually, he nods, 'If Red trusts you then, that's okay.'

 

Just like that?

 

Lance breathes. It feels like he's been holding his breath since Shiro disappeared.

 

God, is that all it took?

 

'You're not, like, upset with me?'

 

'I'm pretty upset,' Keith says. 'Just. Talk to me. Next time. Okay?' Keith progressively gets quieter with each word.

 

'Okay.'

 

Lance is pretty sure that's the end of that conversation. He stands up to leave.

 

'You sure that's everything?' Hunk asks Keith.

 

Well, Keith did say he is still upset.

 

'Yeah,' Keith says. His arms are still crossed, but not in that tense, I'm-going-to-crush-my-own-ribcage kind of way like earlier. 'I'll forgive Lance. I'm sure he's already figured out I just need some time to get over it.'

 

Keith deliberately looks at Lance when he says that and Lance just nods, feeling a little like an idiot. But not in the no-one-should-have-to-tolerate-screw-ups-like-me kind of way like earlier.

 

'Also, Red likes him,' Keith shrugs. 'So he's worth the effort.'

 

Hunk seems to accept that answer a little better.

 

Lance takes that as his cue to leave proper. He thinks team Voltron will be alright. Even if they don’t find Shiro.

 

\--

 

They find Shiro.

 

\--

 

Lance is all up in his own head again.

 

Five lions and six paladins.

 

It’s not going to work. They need to sort out how this team is going to do things now that Shiro is back.

 

Six paladins and five lions.

 

Least they end up with a situation where two people run toward the same hangar. That would be, like, super awko. It can’t work.

 

Five paladins and six lions.

 

Wait. Unless Lance steps down as a paladin.

 

Five lions and five paladins.

 

That would make the most sense, really.

 

_Are you sure?_

 

No.

 

 

 

Lance said he would so he should. As much as he’d rather not. Talk to Keith, that is.

 

Lance pings Keith on the panel next the door to his room. Knocking on solid titanium doors does not work and also hurts a lot. It’s a mistake Lance would like to say he’s only made once and not again, except that’s not true.

 

The door glides open and Lance lets himself in.

 

'Keith, I’ve been thinking-'

 

'That’s dangerous,' Keith says without missing a beat.

 

Lance would be proud of Keith's sass had this not been bothering him so much.

 

'Oh, uh,' Keith sits up on his bed. He must have caught that pensive look on Lance’s face. There’s the beginning of an apology on Keith's tongue.

 

'Its fine,' Lance cuts in.

 

'Must be bothering you pretty bad if you’re coming to talk to me,' Keith says. It’s an observation and not a question or a joke.

 

'Yeah, well,' Lance scratches the back of his head. 'You asked me to. So.'

 

Keith doesn’t seem to understand that at first, then realization dawns on him. He makes a small 'o' shape with his mouth.

 

'What’s going on?' Keith asks more cautiously.

 

'Shiro's back,' Lance says lamely.

 

Keith withholds any teasing at the obvious statement. He just waits patiently for Lance to make his point.

 

'So, uh,' Lance looks down at his foot as he starts to grind his toe into the floor. 'He’d probably want to pilot the black lion, yeah? And you’d want to take Red back, so. That leaves me with no lion.'

 

'Blue would take you back,' Keith says without any hesitation.

 

_Are you sure?_

 

'Maybe, but,' Lance has his hands in the pockets of his jacket and he pushes them deeper, stretching the fabric. 'Allura's learned a lot and it didn’t take her long to get there. It wouldn’t take her long to outpace me and -- she'd make a better paladin, so – I’m willing to step down as a paladin to let that happen.'

 

'Even if that was what we're going to do -- which it isn't,' Keith sounds upset, almost angry. 'You’re too valuable to let go. A six person ground team would be _extremely_ effective.'

 

'Are you sure?' Lance asks incredulously. 'We're in our lions way more often than we're on the ground. It would be a waste of resources keeping an extra man around for only ground missions. Besides, Blue likes Allura.'

 

Keith snorts. 'Yeah, but it took her like, two weeks to make that happen.' Keith eyes Lance. 'Are you two... okay?'

 

Lance sighs. 'We're better. She uh, actually apologized to me. I think she gets it now? Before she used to only connect with the castle-ship. Now she’s connected to Blue and the rest of us. I think she said something like, now she knows why I put so much value in everyone's emotional and mental wellbeing or whatever. Why it’s important to me. I feel like she was just doing her dramatic princess routine. I, uh.' Lance trails off. He’s deeply conscious of the fact that he’s rambling.

 

Lance has been staring at anywhere but Keith until now and when he looks back, Keith's expression is unreadable.

 

'She's just,' Lance carries on awkwardly, 'grown so much. She's bound to grow more and make a better teammate.' He stutters out the next bit. 'So maybe it's better that I, uh, leave. Permanently.'

 

Well there it is, out in the open now. It takes a moment for the information to process. The air is heavy with unspoken meaning.

 

'Is that what you want?' Keith asks.

 

No?

 

Yes?

 

Lance doesn’t answer.

 

'I don’t want that,' Keith says with conviction in a way that shakes Lance to his core. 'I don’t want you to leave. I want you as a pilot. You’re still a paladin.

 

'Even if,' Keith continues, 'Allura goes back to piloting the castle-ship. I'd still consider her a paladin. She's part of this team. Why would you be any different? Why would anyone think any different?'

 

Lance doesn’t answer. He has one - a thought that sits heavy, weighing down his spirit. Even on days where the ache is forgotten, it’s still there, waiting for the right opportunity to drag him down and consume him.

 

Keith's watching Lance, and then his expression softens. 'Do you... do you really want to leave?'

 

'I-' Lance starts and stops. The truth is he doesn't know. He’s still a little more than half a mess right now. Recent events are catching up to him. There’s a lump caught in his throat. He’s having trouble getting around it.

 

'Okay,' Keith says with resignation. 'I- I get it. You uh, you have something to go back to.' Keith’s voice is small. He’s not looking at Lance.

 

_He doesn’t want me to go._

 

'I don’t wanna go,' Lance says. It’s a half truth.

 

Lance can’t decide where he belongs. He doesn’t know if he should leave or stay or what’s right for the universe or what’s right for himself. His head's not in a good spot right now. It’s messing with him and he knows it.

 

Except... Keith seems to think he knows where Lance should be. He’s made it clear he thinks Lances place in the universe is right here. It’s a good bet that the rest of the team would think so too. They would want to discuss Lance's departure from the team together. Convince him to stay, like they did with Pidge. Lance isn’t certain he’d be able to hold any conviction to leave Voltron behind.

 

...

 

Maybe it’s not so bad to let others choose for him?

 

 

 

_How good are you at letting things go?_

 

So that’s where Lance's mind is. If... if this family will keep him, he'll let them.

 

Lance takes a deep breath and says, 'you really want me to stay? I'll stay.' This is a full truth.

 

Keith's been studying Lance's face in the time it took Lance to come to his new conclusion. His expression shifts from that withdrawn buried sadness to something brighter. 'Good,' he says with a firm nod. 'You know, you should be careful about getting caught up in thinking that way.' Keith flicks a pointed finger at Lance. 'Red's gonna hate that. She might lock you out if you keep that up.'

 

Keith's finger gently moves toward Lance's face, who sways back just enough to stay out of reach.

 

'Hey,' Lance steps back.

 

Keith's hand suddenly darts out his finger and makes contact with Lance’s nose. Lance swears he heard Keith say 'boop'. He knows Keith would refute that. Keith smiles. Lance also smiles. Albeit indignantly.

 

Keith's expression turns serious again. 'Are you...' Keith chews on his lip. 'Are you gonna be okay?'

 

For a brief second, Lance is taken aback. 'I think so, yeah,' he says. He means it too.

 

Lance sees Keith's shoulders relax as he lets out a small sigh of relief.

 

'I'll keep what you said in mind,' Lance shakes his head. 'Thanks for having my back, dude.' He turns to leave Keith's room, feeling lighter than he has in weeks.

 

'Uh, Lance?'

 

Lance pauses and turns back to Keith over his shoulder. He looks shy again.

 

'Thank you,' Keith says. 'For coming to talk to me.'

 

Lance nods and leaves.

 

Keith watches Lance go.

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know if I've made any mistakes or what you think.
> 
> Thanks for reading. c:


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